Sexuality
Lovemaking in the Marriage of Souls is the practice of deepening and prolonging the feeling and experience of oneness.
Sex lies at the very root of our existence and when that root is rotten the rest of our vehicle of consciousness is prone to a multitude of disease states and psycho-spiritual distortions. Culturally we have received many contradictory messages that have lead to destructive sexual patterns. Instead of celebrating sex as the creative force it is we have been led into turning sex into a clandestine, guilt-ridden affair. This influences our entire worldview in ways that are sublimely and negatively degrading. This all began in ancient times as patriarchal societies developed and pushed the feminine Goddess principle into retreat. Man’s awe of woman’s fertility and cosmic sexual capacity turned to fear as men took control of family life and the lineage of the children. Out of the desire to dominate rose the need to subjugate and control the receptive yin essence of woman with their tremendous power to create new life. This motivated early religious leaders to insert anti-sexual teachings into the heart of their tradition. The Marriage of Souls builds its edifice around the very notion that perfect sexuality is rooted in the realization of perfect love. Though many believe that sexuality is the source of human love we can see that it is really the other way around. The pathway to a women's sexuality is through love and when that love begins to wither, through endless conflicts inside of exclusive relationships, their sexuality naturally begins to wane too. We know that when a women's heart opens they start becoming sexual but they are sometimes fooled into a false opening through romantic gesturing on the part of males, who can often only open their hearts with the promise of sex. The Marriage of Souls is for people who are interested in creating permanent types of relationships; and part of that lasting love, with at least one other being, needs to include sexuality. There are no cosmic laws that say that we have to always make love to only one other, but it should be obvious that having causal sexual affairs dissipates energy. Who we make love to and how we make love has everything to do with who we are and where we are going as spiritual beings. The Second Coming of Pure Love talks a lot about these issues and one way or another leads us to the alter of non-possessive love. Tantric
sexuality is ideal for the monogamist We have seen what the majority of monogamy and traditional marriage have brought, i.e., dullness, unhappiness, affairs, infidelities, separation and divorce. How many couples make it through it all can say that they are enjoying perfect sex? Something is wrong and yet, as John Gray, Ph.D. says, “full sexual realization is dependent on stable continuing relationships.” This is one of the great paradoxes that we all have to work out in our lives. Self-realization is tied into many factors and sexuality is certainly one of the principle components to a life lived with passion, force, magic and happiness. The
Marriage of Souls prepares us through many experiences The heart was never meant to be monogamous (meaning we are meant to love many) though maybe in the end it will prove out that sexuality is best shared between two poles. No one is in the position to say what is right for all humanity and yet this is what religion, society and law tries to do. There are so many types of individuals and what works for one may not quite work out so well for another. It should be obvious that bisexual people seemed designed to relate to a man and a woman at the same time and there are many bisexual or quasi-bisexual human beings on our planet. Throughout the world, with its many societies, and throughout history, there have been many different cultural mores about multiple sexual relationships and it must be remembered that the laws that Christ himself stood up for demanded polygamy under certain conditions. Every couple should face the possibility that sometime in the course of the life of that relationship one or the other partner may find himself or herself interested in another and they might want or need to express that interest sexually. It is my opinion and experience that the deeper we go into our hearts and combine with another on the soul level the less we find the need to ‘play around.’ It is paradoxical but true that the more we open our hearts to others in a true sense, meaning the less exclusive our love, the more we find ourselves being able to commit ourselves to a monogamous relationship with ease and joy. And conversely, if our life path mirrors the ancient ones who found multiple loves and group marriage a source of harmony, the open heart will guide us into creating love bonds that last. People who ascribe to the philosophy of the Marriage of Souls will enter into relationships a little differently than others. Even when entering into a coupled relationship each will be declaring to the other an independence of spirit that will ward off the others need for egocentric dependency. If our partner does have a need to express sexually with another this need does not necessarily mean the end of our relationship though it can precipitate crisis and intense inner growth. Even presidents have had this need and expressed it though maybe no one would quite applaud their actions. But the path of the soul demands that at the very minimum these things get talked out extensively. Aware conscious people will tune into and discuss this issue before it arises and set up some set of ground rules with which to guide their behavior. The Marriage of the Souls tries to lay down some general guidelines that work toward the creation of pure love between beings but it does not lay out any moralistic framework with which we can judge each other by. But there is not much room for argument in saying that infidelity; lies and broken channels of communication destroy the connection between our beings and souls. If we are with a partner that we are destined to stay with that relationship will last even if through the life of that relationship we find the need to open our heart and bodies to another. Opening our hearts to others is essential, but if we are to include our sexualities within that opening the how and why of it become extremely important and this is the subject of The Second Coming of Pure Love. Motives are extremely important and life mirrors that back to us intensely. The further we move along the evolutionary relationship and love curve, the more the `desire´ to express sexuality outside of our prime and most significant relationship decreases. When the heart is totally open and in total bond with another in sexual and romantic union, who `thinks´ about sex with another. Romantic lovers know of this space but forget it when the romantic fires cool and then go cold. So the idea of course is to walk a life path that maintains the passions of young lovers. The Marriage of Souls offers us such a path. But it is not easy, automatic, or to be assumed. It takes both psychological and spiritual work and awareness as well as cooperation between souls. Those
in their hearts stay young forever. The Marriage of Souls favors the realization of stable, healthy, and happy coupled relationships but it directs us on a safer, wider, and more open path to that goal, if that is what we desire. Yet within this vision is the opening to a wider family of souls or group consciousness that will eventually open up as we move deeper into our hearts. But when we end up with a person and it feels right and truthful to be sexually monogamous there will be no doubt about it, no dialogue, just our loving sexual bliss and pure devotion of being. When and if we hit that perfect Tantric space, perfect sex blended with perfect love, what sane person would want more. But there are situations that do happen on our planet and in different social contexts where love between three does arise spontaneously. If this love is of the heart it also can be beautiful and long lasting though it is rare. The bible obviously did not ban such arrangements either but today governments and society and modern religion cannot tolerate such behavior but many people choose to ignore such dictates that come from lock step social consciousness. Neither can society tolerate love and marriage between homosexuals but this will eventual change under political pressure and with the realization that homosexuality is a constant phenomena in human behavior that will not go away. Sexuality can be either liberating or binding depending on our motive, the direction of our purpose. Sex is not separate from our consciousness so we can evolve our soul stuff by evolving our sexuality. The Marriage of Souls illuminates the secret of making everything we do holy. We are given
the freedom to make Sex holy In the act of lovemaking we adore our lover and go beyond.
People often wonder about how to maintain the fires and passions that are so common in the beginning of relationships. Why should we have to surrender to the slow death of passion with our intimate partners? Passion is very important in the spiritual life. We all want to experience the abundance of passion, the force of life. Nothing much gets accomplished without ‘some’ passion. Even our meditations will not be very high without passion. Anything that we feel passionate for we will make important. We want to stay turned on all the time but are we able to? Are we willing to do some of the hard work to make our passions work for us? Are we willing to probe the root causes that build to destroy our passion? It is no secret that much of the desire to enter affairs or infidelities comes from the dramatic loss of passion and desire that occurs in our prime relationship. One of the secrets to lasting and loving passionate relationships is to take your passion that you feel for another and use it as fuel to stimulate higher passions. Use the passion you feel to generate higher feelings of love for the One. The true disciple of the Marriage of Souls will take his or her relationships and use them to generate higher feelings of love, not just for the person next to us but higher feeling for others, for nature, for our highest self, and for the Oneness of Being that will manifest itself through many beings in our life. Our love and passion remains of a poorer and less permanent quality when we obsess with our partner as a simple love object. If we could base our feelings instead in gratitude to the One who brought this love to our lives we will be reinforcing the love of all dreams. In the
beginning is the physical, contact, Its hard and its quick, a moments embrace. Then comes tenderness, love, heart to heart. Slowly we move, belly to belly, but in the eyes we meet. Then comes devotion to each other and to the God that brought us together. Melting hearts fused into oneness, committed into holy time. Our love builds until we worship the essence of our souls. Touching each
other is our devotion, kneeling at the alter; When we care without limit we touch with that care knowing we are bringing more life and more love to our love.
John Gray was a monk for nine years and every time he would get turned on by a woman, "I would think of God and raise my energy up, where it was transformed and redirected. When a man is married he can practice the same thing. If he is virile, he's going to be attracted to many women, so what he does is this - every time he is attracted to another woman, he simply thinks of his wife." These are great instructions for the virile physical type and it is great to learn devotion and fidelity to one woman. This is what many men might have to learn because the Marriage of Souls is not a free license to out of control men who need to roam freely in their pursuit of fresh flesh. The real point here is that we need to channel our energies to higher and higher things as we grow. The man with the wandering eye can channel his lust into love and devotion to his woman. But others who are naturally more stable with their attractions still have to raise their energies up. The women who totally falls in love and devotes herself to that beautiful man of her dreams is served spiritually if she can also channel some of the energies into gratitude to God for the divine gift rather than obsessing endlessly with the beauty of her lover whose eyes might be straying at every opportunity. Dealing with our sexuality's is one of the most complex and deep and difficult issues we face in life; everyone at some point struggles mightily with these issues. There are no easy answers really, just a general direction in which to head. Many young people need to make love many times with many people through many years until they begin to calm down enough about their sexuality's to begin to work on the deeper issues of the heart. The great lesson from Freud that should be remembered is that sexual repression leads to the most horrible pathologies and neuroses of the mind and spirit. In ancient times, when maternal societies still ruled, sexuality was not as controlled as it has been in the Christian era. Everyone was freer to express and the women certainly did not allow themselves to be so dominated by the men. If a woman wanted to take on more than one lover that was her right and privilege. Tantric sexual practices are an attempt to harmonize the inequality between male and female sexual energies. All serious studies of sexuality point to some big differences between male and female sexuality just as there major differences in the emotional capacities between the sexes. Bliss is for two who love each other, flowing into each other, feeding each other, ever part of one life. This
interconnection in perfect union strengthens Tantric philosophy holds the exact opposite attitude toward the sexuality of traditional religion and society. Tantra teaches us to have a real reverence toward the life force and it's source. If women naturally turn on their sexuality when they are in love their sexuality and love are flowing in the same pure river. The ugliest expression of human conscious is seen in the grotesque flavor we manage to put onto one of gods greatest gifts. Taoist love
practices offer the compression chamber and the refiners fire that sets the stage for the climb to the summits of consciousness. To the deep valleys of oneness and bliss, to the indescribable miracle of the purest and most vulnerable love. The gift, the reward of the Marriage of Souls, the consecration of perfect union between beings, true happiness, being in tune with the cosmic spirit; we deserve only the best and all that life has to offer.
All life exists through sex; all life grows out of it. Sex is beautiful as God is beautiful and to think otherwise diminishes God. God has given us tremendous freedom to do what we like with our consciousness, we can shape our own worth and make ourselves into something beautiful, or we can identify with what is lowest, most negative and ugly. Wherever there is God, wherever there is beauty, there is Sex, the rhythmic interchange of life. Cosmic Sex can be seen as the light of the universe running back and forth between the stars or the gravity or attractive forces between all heavenly bodies. It is only the narrow human mind that constricts the image of Sex and sexuality into something dirty, something that is only done behind closed doors. All
the Holy Ones were just beautiful people, beautiful beings. Beautiful beings see
everything as beautiful The Marriage of Souls glorifies sexuality and makes it into a truly religious experience. Mystical marriage between souls can include the most wonderful celebration of gods great gift to us. And yes maybe someday we will be ready for that truly monogamous sexual relationship that will leave a trail of passion into our waning years. But what are our young people supposed to do with their surging passions? Humans reach their sexual prime very early in life, well before they have learned any essential lessons, well before they are ready for the responsibility of children and family. Even people in their twenties are just starting out and as such early marriages tend to fail even more that those that come later. With experience we grow thereby increasing our capacities for love and successful relationships. There is no way for us to ignore the reality that one purpose of sex is to create children. When we bring children into this world inappropriately we are inviting great trouble. Sexuality without higher consciousness endangers us with the problem of unwanted children. Sexuality between humans can be a pure phenomenon; two beings engaging in the art and practice of divine union. Sexuality can be beautiful and it can happen in an environment of no obligation, no duty, and no commitment. Sex can be both playful and prayerful, even for the young, but unless we are taught early to be responsible at the same time, we risk heavy negative karma. Freedom in the context of responsibility never holds more meaning than with sexuality. That is why a complete sexual education is totally necessary for the young who otherwise will learn their lessons the hard way and too often, the dirty way from dirty people. The greatest difficulty in talking about sexuality and love is that people at different stages of development and at different ages are ready for different things. When John Gray suggests that monogamy offers an incredible payoff in terms of lasting passion, greater creativity, greater longevity and greater health he could not be talking about adolescent kids or even the young in their twenties who have yet to reach full maturity. In ages past, humans where not expected to reach spiritual or psychological maturity until much later on in life. We were more like cattle, the women for breeding and child raising and the men for sustenance and protection. We were rooted into the basics of life with little expectation of more in our early years. Today the modern man and woman find themselves transported into a complex and often confusing life where everything is expected of us. Sexuality is synonymous with life and it begins to manifest itself in force at approximately twelve years of age. (Often even younger today.) Young people are very potent and yet we try to force them not to make love. Society separates the boys form the girls as much as possible. Even in childhood we see sexual repression at work. Children are simply not allowed to touch their own genital organs without incurring disfavor from the parents. Mother comes and takes the child's hands away and this comes as quite a shock to the child who eventually becomes conditioned to becoming afraid of touching his or her own genital organs. For the child it is natural and beautiful and they have no idea that it is wrong or dirty. Children have no idea of guilt or sin. They are the pure ones, it is we, society, and our religions that are dirty. Make your enjoyment pure and the senses will not pull you into a downward spiral.
Sex without love does not necessarily have to be dirty, it can be playful and relaxing but it is a risky and dangerous play that has potential consequences. Science has not yet completely perfected birth control and rare is the young person who knows how to discipline himself through Tantric ejaculatory control. Even rarer is the couple that knows the secrets and discipline of natural birth control so we need to concede that sexuality with intercourse should not be taken lightly. We are playing around with the cosmic fire and the creative force of life. To create life is to play God and this is what God had in mind when he gave us our sexuality and the ability to conceive life. Our attitudes and Sexual actions have the power to change our destiny. The creation of children at inappropriate times has more impact on our life on earth than perhaps any other single thing. These subjects will be covered in depth in later chapters. The next few chapters concentrates on the pure nature of sexuality and orgasm and some of the places we can go with our sexuality when we take it as a multifaceted gift and harness its energies for beautiful purposes.
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